Mission Statement

CompuBeard firmly believes that the right to self-expression through facial hair is as inalienable as any of the basic human rights our country was founded upon, and that no one should be denied a beard based on age, gender, race or creed.

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Which beard is the right beard for me?

The choice of beard is a personal one, that every customer must make for his or herself. At CompuBeard, we have a number of services available, including a 24-hour help line, an Online Beardery and even Lifestyle Advisors, who will meet with you personally to guide you through the beard selection process.

What is the history of Beard Technology?

Check out our Additional Info page for a detailed history written by Beard Archivist Katherine Arathoon.

Who is CompuBeard?

For staff bios, check out the Our Team page.

How soon can I expect my beard?

Beard delivery time varies based on many factors, but generally takes between 2 and 4 weeks.

So how does it all work anyway?

The CompuBeard process is the result of decades of research and millions of dollars invested. Luckily it can be summed up completely by this illustration (click to enlarge):

...and this animation

Will my new beard really improve my life?

Of course! If you're still skeptical, take a look at this graph, created from rigorously-collected data (click to enlarge):

Our Strategy

Our company is small and agile. We take on our competitors like a pack of velociraptors attacking a tanker ship. Or a gang of pirates on speedboats taking down an apatasaurus.